If the Secret Service goes through with this…we’re ALL going to jail

The entire staff of www.allenbwest.com may be leaving home soon, but not for vacation. This time we’ll be taking our striped pajamas and a ball and chain. I hope at least one of us gets the room Martha Stewart had — it should be tastefully decorated and have air freshener. When that little dinner plate slides through the opening on the floor, it would be nice if it’s the Summertime Rose line from the English Heirloom Collection, a particularly lovely pattern.

You see, The US Secret Service is advertising on the Federal Business Opportunities website for developers who can create software that will detect SARCASM on social media. I kid you not.

As The Hill reports, In an online notice posted on Monday, the agency said that it was looking for a “social media analytics software tool” that could “detect sarcasm and false positives,” among other features.

The service should also be able to analyze information in real time, search key words in multiple languages, represent trends in “heat maps” and graphs and divide up Web activity by audience and geography, the Secret Service said.

An agency spokesman clarified to The Hill that the analysis tool is meant purely for the agency’s public affairs efforts, not to monitor threats.

Oh, riiiight.

We knew our witty barbs would catch up with us someday. NOW the secret service wants to monitor us like the KGB. As long as they fix their prostitution problems, DUI problems, and failure to keep dirt bags and various aircraft out of the White House perimeter FIRST it’s probably ok. I understand them going after us, but you’d think the Secret Service would have bigger things to worry about than a box load of snark.


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