What Obama WISHED He Could Say Today on V-E Day 70th Anniversary

We’ve grown rather accustomed to our president not necessarily saying what he means during speeches and press conferences. It takes some careful analysis to get the true meaning of statements such as “if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor.” So on the occasion of the 70th Anniversary of V-E Day, we thought we’d offer a handy annotated guide to the president’s official statement which includes what he might have said if he could have.

Statement by the President on the 70th Anniversary of V-E Day (with annotated comments)

Seventy years ago today, the Allied Forces declared victory (rather than just ending combat operations and going home, the way I would have done it) in Europe over tyranny during World War II. After more than five years of brutal fighting (we have to say all the fighting was brutal because war is such a nasty thing and it’s brutal whether or not the good guys or the bad guys are doing it) that took the lives of some 40 million people across the continent—including six million Jews (we have to mention them first to please our donors, but we actually wanted to mention the homosexuals and gypsies too, which is why we say…) and millions of others murdered by the Nazi regime—the forces of freedom triumphed over oppression in Europe. The war was not yet won; it would be three more months of fighting in the Pacific. But V-E Day represented, at long last, a hope for peace. (Well, actually it wasn’t just a hope for peace, it WAS peace – peace through strength, but we can’t admit that these days)

Today, we salute the more than 16 million Americans who left everything they knew—their families, their homes—to serve in World War II, and then came home to help build the America we know today. (Actually they built an America we no longer know today frankly. And anyway as I’ve said before “you didn’t build that”). We honor the memory of the more than 400,000 Americans who made the ultimate sacrifice so that we might live free. We rededicate ourselves—on this day and every day—to the freedoms for which they fought, and to the American Dream for which they died. (Sadly, the American Dream is dying for a lot of Americans, but that’s okay because it’s alive and well for illegal immigrants — if I have my way, and I’m pretty sure I will). We stand with our allies, in Europe and around the world (except for Israel of course), in defending the liberty and human rights of all people (especially the Iranians, who will have the liberty and right of producing nuclear weapons, but not for the right of Israel to defend herself). And we honor our brave men and women (and those going through gender reassignment) in uniform and their families who continue to defend the freedom (>unless they actually kill the enemy, in which case they’ll end up in prison like Clint Lorance</em>) that was won 70 years ago today (except for veterans; we don’t really care much about them once they’re done serving).

Please feel free to add comments if you think we’ve left anything out.

[NOTE: This article was written by Michele Hickford, Editor-in-Chief]

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